Love and War

10/17/10

 

Shayne

“Guess what?” I said to her as we were walking down the shore, holding hands and watching the sunset.

“What?” She replied thoughtfully.

“I love you.” I whispered, staring into her twinkling, sapphire eyes.

“I love you too.” She giggled, staring back.

                It was the evening of a Tuesday when we were on a date just like any other … except that I had to tell her that I was enlisted to go into the army on Saturday morning. I hated this. Everything about it made me ache until I couldn’t stand it anymore. I loved Lauren so much that I couldn’t break her heart by saying this. She was my world and always would be. But everything would change after today. Just one sentence could ruin everything.

“Uh hun, I have to talk to you.” I started, nervously.

“Sure thing, what’s wrong?” She said with a worried look on her face.

“I’m enlisted to go into the army … I’m gunna have to leave on Saturday morning. And I’m not sure when I’ll be coming back … but I promise to stay with your brother at all times!” I blurted out unexpectedly that right when I said it; I wished I could take back.

                She said nothing for a while and we just starred at each other. Her eyes turned solemn and teary. She started to sob and fall into my arms. I took her and hugged her thinking that I might cry myself. But I couldn’t, I was too shocked with what I had said to her; knowing that I had broken her heart and mine.

“No…” Was all she could spit out.

“I … I wanted to tell you sooner, but I couldn’t bring myself to it. I’m so sorry! I really am. I love you and always will, but I have to do this.” I said trying to soothe her, although I thought I was making it worse.

Lauren

                I couldn’t believe what he was saying. Shayne, my Shayne, in the army? That didn’t go to my head correctly … I was heartbroken. He was lying to me, he had to be. My world, everything, was about to be broken and shattered into pieces. I loved him so much, so why couldn’t I say that?

“Why didn’t you.” Is all I could respond.

“Because I wanted this to last … forever but I knew it couldn’t, so I held off until now …” He said sincerely, except it still hurt.

“I’m sorry Lauren. I really am. I love you …” He kept saying over and over again.

“I know, I love you too…” I replied feeling like I had no more tears to let out.

                He couldn’t do this to me. I wouldn’t let him. I had to do something … but I couldn’t. I was vulnerable. He would be gone and I wouldn’t be able to know where he was or when he was coming back. Just thinking about that made me weep more in his arms. That’s all I wanted, was to be held by him and loved by him forever. Now that this was going to happen, it wouldn’t be possible.

                It started to pour when everything else wasn’t bad enough; the weather had to add its two-sense in. I started to get up out of his embrace and walk towards his car. He grabbed my hand and pulled me into him to give me a warm, soothing kiss. His breath was warm in my mouth as we kissed over and over again. I couldn’t tell if he was crying because of the rain, but I was pretty sure it was both of us who were emotional. We stayed like that for another few minutes. By that time, it started to thunder and lightning, so we made our way to the vacant parking lot where his car was parked. He didn’t bother bringing me home, I didn’t want to anyway. I wanted to be with him, every second counted and I couldn’t waste any of them.

                8:00 P.M. and I was already tired from the long exhausting day. When we got back I went straight for the bed and fell right on it, knowing it would be there to catch me for the next few months, unlike Shayne, who would be gone from me. He followed me and lay down next to me rubbing my back in slow circles. It was quiet with only the noise of the clock ticking every second.  

“Lauren...” He called to me.

“Mmm?” I replied almost asleep.

“What will you do… while I’m gone?” He wondered.

“Cry, eat, sleep, cry some more until I don’t have any more tears left. I’ll wait for every letter and think about you every second of the day.” I said truthfully.

“Oh…” He sounded like he had nothing to say, which he didn’t. Or he was deep in thought and couldn’t continue his sentence.

                We mostly stayed in silence the rest of the night. Hearing the steady heart beat and his breathing was enough for me to last for now. He was sound asleep while I was still stunned by his news. I knew that Drake was enlisted and I was happy for him because it was his dream, his life, and his motivation, but Shayne? I never thought he would get picked... but he did, and he knew what it meant. I loved him so, but even love couldn’t keep him here.

 

Shayne

                Her eyes were red and swelled from all the crying she did yesterday night. She thought I was asleep but I was awake, thinking about what I had said and everything that was about to happen. I would leave Saturday morning with all the other 200 soldiers who enlisted, and I wouldn’t see her beautiful sapphire eyes, or hear her adorable giggle she always does, or be able to hold her in my arms at night. All of that would be a distant memory I would have to repeat over and over in my mind, until the day we met again.

“Hun… it’s 10:00 in the morning. Do you want to go out for breakfast?” I asked timidly. She looked exhausted, and by no means ready to go out.

“No, that’s okay. I’d rather just stay here…” She said, looking as if she were about to weep again.

“Well, alright then. I have to get some paper work done for the enlistment, so I’ll be back later. But I sent Drake on his way to come and pick you up to hang out.” I mentioned as I was starting to leave through the front door.

“What? Why’d you do that? I never see him. And okay, don’t stay out too long though.” She snapped a bit irritated as she walked up to me to give me a goodbye kiss.

“Because I didn’t,” I replied between kisses, “want you to be lonely while I was gone.”

“I wouldn’t be lonely… I have Harold.” She pointed to as the black and white cat meowed at her.

“Either way; you’d be bored. Just be good until he gets here. I’ll see ya later.” I told her.

                She wasn’t going to like today, but she had no choice. So that’ll give me some time to focus on something other than my world dying.

-lily